I don’t wear eyeglasses anymore. Don’t need ‘em. Not that my eyesight is perfect. Just the opposite.
Glasses got to be a bother. Toward the end, I wore them all the time so I’d know where they were. If I set them down, I’d never find them. Messing with bifocals got too tricky. Tilt my head back to read close-up stuff and I’d almost fall over backward.
Going without glasses saved me some bucks. That is, until my wife needed new ones for herself. We almost had to take out a second mortgage to pay for them. I pitched in for half of hers, just so we could keep the house.
I also save so much on car insurance that I pay half of the premium they charge my wife. That way she lets me ride shotgun whenever I want. Before I anted up, I sat in the back seat while she was up front with the dog.
I still make a fashion statement with eyewear. I’ve got the coolest sunglasses. I bought them four years ago in a boutique on Clark Street. My wife picked out the frames. She says I look sharp. I’m proud I haven’t lost them. Knock on wood.
I’ve always had a problem seeing straight. Back in high school, when glasses turned uncool, I jammed hard contact lenses the size of salad plates into my eyes. When they got dirty, I washed them with saliva. No wonder I can’t see so well anymore. One night, I put my contacts in after slicing jalapeno peppers. I don’t recommend that. Unless, of course, you enjoy pain.
So, I guess it’s just as well I don’t need glasses anymore. They turned into a hassle. I’m happy just riding shotgun, looking cool in my sunglasses.