Senioritis

I turned 65 yesterday.  That makes me a senior citizen.  If you don’t believe me, I can prove it to you.

It’s midday of a weekday and the doorbell rings.  I’m expecting a delivery, so I grab my house keys.  I grab my keys because yesterday, in the midst of a delivery, I locked myself out of the house.

I hurry down the stairs.  I don’t run because I’m afraid I’ll fall and break my hip.  A broken hip, for senior citizens, triggers a precipitous process known as “The Dwindles.”

Inside the front door, I gather the mail from the floor so I don’t slip on a glossy circular.  I place the stack on the first step and try to remember not to slip on it and break my hip on my way back upstairs.

I open the front door and, as it’s taken me so long to get there, whoever rang the bell has left.  I move into my Saturday Night Fever posture, extend one foot and slide it left and right across the porch, sweeping for packages.

Then I hear the diesel engine idling and the man shouting, “Hey, mister!  It’s behind you, leaning against the railing.”  The delivery man knows I’m blind; I told him yesterday when he helped me find the hidden set of keys we keep in case somebody locks themselves out of the house.

“You OK to get back inside?” he asks.

I give him the thumbs up, then hold my package aloft—1000 dog poop bags in teal color.  Teal is one of those modern shades that came along after I lost my eyesight.  I wouldn’t know it from mauve or taupe, but I’m sure I will be ultra-stylish as I bend over to pick up after Randy.  A stylish senior, yes, but will I be able to straighten up again?

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Second Sense works in partnership with our clients, providing support and training to help them move beyond vision loss to an active, productive life full of possibilities.
This entry was posted in Blindness, Guide Dogs, Seniors and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Senioritis

  1. REEDY says:

    From one senior citizen to another Happy Birthday and welcome to Club Senior Citizen – yes we are a stylish group! Thanks for the giggles this morning and again HAPPY BIRTHDAY – love you Reed

  2. bethfinke says:

    You are one of the youngest 65-year-olds I know. Happy Birthday, my friend.

    _____

  3. Which raises the question: If you have to slide your foot back and forth to locate a package left for you by the UPS guy, when it’s time to use the teal poop bags, how do you find the “package” Randy left?

  4. Theodore H. Eaton says:

    Jeff, Amusing article:) I can’t believe how much time has gone by since we last got together-I think in Tempe? I’ve often thought of you and have wondered how you have been, where you were etc. The last time we spoke you mentioned the possibility of moving to Philadelphia. I would love to catch up. If you call and don’t reach me, please leave a good time to get back to you. Looking forward to talking-Ted

  5. Judi Farrell-Booth says:

    You never cease to make me smile! Happy Birthday, and many more.

  6. Jeff Flodin says:

    Thank you all for your kind wishes. Reedy, you’re up early – walking the dog? Beth, always a pleasure to read you and be read by you. Ted, we meet again at last – call you very soon. Judi, you give seniors a good name and a sharp image. And Steve, bless you for worrying about my shoes. Here’s the secret method: insert hand into empty 8 ½ x 11 inch teal bag to make a mitten; grope ground and grab leavings; turn bag inside out; tie a knot at open end. Repeat 1000 times per box of bags. Thanks again to all of you!
    Jeff

  7. Ella says:

    Awesome sense of humor!💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻🎫 -eLLa@puyallup. P.s (Hi uncle Jeff,aunt Mary!)

  8. Theodore H. Eaton says:

    Jeff, Really good talking with you just now! Looking forward to future conversations and more catching up -Ted

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