Jimmy Kimmel’s Only Interview with Randy the Dog

Jimmy Kimmel:  [Applause and theme music fade]  Our next guest comes to us from the pages of the Jalapenos in the Oatmeal blog.  Ladies and gentlemen, please greet the star of that hit series, Randy the Dog!  [wild applause and “Who Let the Dogs Out” theme music]  Welcome, Randy, you’re sure looking sharp tonight.

Randy the Dog:  You’re so kind, Jimmy. Basic black is a classic look, don’t you think?  And fur works well this time of year.

JK:  And having your own keeps you on the right side of the fur controversy.

RD:  Right you are, Jimmy.  So many people complimented me on Fifth Avenue and the looks I got on the subway ride over here were so sweet.

JK:  Speaking of subways, Randy, don’t the crowds get to you?  I mean, you’re down there and the rest is standing room only.

RD:  I just sit still and take it all in, Jimmy.  It’s a great sniffing opportunity.  One nice lady even said to me, My goodness,” she said,  “You know more about me than my husband does.”  [chuckles]  That got a good laugh.  Then when I told her my name, she said, “Well, you sure are randy, Randy.”  And that got another laugh.

JK:  Making friends everywhere you go, right, Randy?  But I know travel can get tiresome.  Don’t you get bored on long trips?

RD:  Not at all, Jimmy.  I’m not like people with their gizmos and gadgets and attention deficits.  I don’t need Rin Tin Tin reruns on the back seat DVD player.  No, I look out the window.  I look at clouds that look like clouds.  Then I take a nap and dream of food.

JK:  Speaking of food, Randy…

RD:  Yes, Jimmy?

JK:  …well, I’d just think you’d get tired of the same thing all the time.

RD:  Like I should paddle across a frozen lake to fetch a dead duck?  [laughs]  No way.  I like my three cups of dry chow served in my bowl with a water back.  That suits me fine.  No, it’s people who think I need variety, like the lady who slipped me a slice of bacon and ended up having to replace her carpeting.  Never seen such a mess in my life.

JK:  So, no BLT’s for you , eh?  [chuckles]  But, Randy, what’s life like for you, the famous Seeing Eye dog?

RD:  It’s a good gig, Jimmy.  Gets me into a lot of places—restaurants and hotels with room service.  Say, Jimmy, what’s on that plate next to your coffee cup?  You gonna eat that?  You gonna eat that?  I could eat that.  The biscuits in the Green Room were mighty tasty, but I could really eat what’s on that plate next to your coffee cup.

JK:  I was just saying, Randy, that, with you being such a star, I kinda feel like chopped liver.

RD:  Hmm… [leans toward Jimmy]

JK:  [leaning back]  Randy, why are you looking at me like that?  [fade to black]

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3 Responses to Jimmy Kimmel’s Only Interview with Randy the Dog

  1. Kent Flodin says:

    Great interview. Could get both Jimmy and Randy an Emmy, and you a Pulitzer.
    The bacon story was right on. I know. I was there.

  2. bethfinke says:

    Applause, applause!

    _____

  3. Andrea says:

    I know a TV star!

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