The Brighter Side of Blindness

Two men walk into a barn.  “Sure stinks in here,” says the first.  “There’s a pony here somewhere,” says the second.  This story is a metaphor for blindness.  Sure, it stinks, but there’s always the possibility of a pony ride.

Here’s my Top Twenty Reasons to Be Cheerful:

  1. When I clean the house, everything looks spotless.
  2. I’m spared videos of other peoples’ kids’ birthday parties and snapshots from Cousin Todd’s awesome vacation.
  3. I never have food spots on my tie.
  4. I can pretend my dog didn’t just do what I think he did.
  5. I can butt in line and get away with it, whether I know it or not.
  6. Every female voice, except those ravaged by Southern Comfort and Marlboros, sounds like it would fit nicely in a size six little black dress.
  7. No American male has a beer belly, “Born to Be Wild” tattoos or a pop-top-pierced nose.
  8. The number written on the inside of all my belts is “32.”
  9. I can say I read Playboy for the fiction and not be called a liar.
  10.  It’s fine not knowing what the Kardashian girls look like.  Knowing what they sound like is bad enough.
  11. I’m not missing a thing when, with the world’s knowledge at my fingertips, I don’t constantly stream puppy videos and pictures of food.
  12. I can tell stories that begin with, ”My career as a major leaguer was tragically cut short by…”  or “My promising future in space travel ended sadly when…”
  13. I can get in plenty of silent meditation while listening to Ken Harrelson call a White Sox game.
  14. I enjoy the mystery of wondering what I just stepped in.
  15. Crab grass and real grass are just green stuff.
  16. Looking bewildered isn’t interpreted as evidence of stupidity.
  17. I can employ the counseling technique of “talking to the empty chair” in social settings.
  18. I don’t have to wait ‘til I’m 80 to get helped crossing the street.
  19. I learn self-control by having my patience tested 89 times a day.
  20. I can just smile at, “If that blind guy can do it, I sure as hell can,” which is really a veiled insult as insidious as being called “a credit to his race.”

Now that you’ve heard mine, what does your gratitude list look like?

This entry was posted in Adapting, Blindness, Coping and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Brighter Side of Blindness

  1. Kent Flodin says:

    I love this post, Jeff. My list begins with …
    I just celebrated my fourth anniversary at the Carbone Cancer Clinic.


  3. Andrea says:

    My gratitude list begins with- Number 1. I’m grateful to have Jeff’s hilarious insights to start my day. Thanks for the laughs!

  4. Judi Farrell-Booth says:

    I love your sense of humor!
    Did I mention I share some of your stories w/grandson who graduated School of Journalism & Communications Univ. Of Iowa last year? Hope you don’t mind. We both like your style.

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